Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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