I just made out with a guy for $7.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
