This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
