actually, I'm a sock model
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
