mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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