I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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