Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
