were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
