Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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