Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
