trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
