Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
