now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
