I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
