the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
