I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
