just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
