maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
