Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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