Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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