Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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