Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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