i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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