I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
