I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
