I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
