my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
