just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i need some magic done to my vagina
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
