I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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