think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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