i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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