just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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