My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The air was thick with penises
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
