Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
