i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
