last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
