You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
