omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
