did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
