you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
