just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
