Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
