If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
