it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
