I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
