Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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