And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
