How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
