saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
