Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
